Day 12 - Tits

Only day 12, really?   Can't even bring myself to blog tonight.  PMT? Maybe, or just had enough. 🤷  Need to just give myself a slap and be thankful that we're all healthy and that it isn't so bad.  It creeps up on me.  I'm totally fine one day and then slowly over time I gradually sink into a bit of a hole.  I just want to shut down, shut the world out and hibernate.  I get tired and drained from my head working overtime, thinking about worse case scenarios.  Why do we do that to ourselves?  I'll be fine tomorrow.

I've been sitting here for ages, with "happy hits" playing on Spotify just trolling through different people's Facebook pictures.  I should really just go to bed and get an early night.  But I won't.  Music usually cheers me up but it depends on what it is as sometimes it can just trigger me!  Could really do with a night out clubbing, dancing til 5am when I can't feel my feet anymore, followed by a dirty burger off a bin before taxi home. 😂 I realise I probably shouldn't be attempting that at my age but if this isolation thing is teaching me anything, it's that you just have to go out there and have fun!  I'm sure I can drag Karen, Saskia or Sally with me 😉🕺

I found the home schooling hard today.  It wasn't difficult to understand but I just didn't have any enthusiasm for it, not helped by the fact that Oscar kept moaning about how tired he was.  Leo and Oscar were a bit clingy today and needed lots of hugs and encouragement to do anything.  It was a slog.  The boys are also starting to niggle at each other a bit and that just makes everything so much harder.  The noise levels go up, tension rises and then there is shouting.

I didn't bother pushing Leo to do the school set literacy lesson.  I allowed him to have the freedom to type whatever he wanted.  I thought it was hilarious, but not sure his teachers would agree. 😂

There was once a cheeky little Robin who loved going to Leo’s house for food.  “Today’s a very nice day for food,” exclaimed the cheeky Robin.  “And I’ve seen Leo refill the feeder so it should be nice and fresh”.
“Okay! Stay safe!” Robin’s mum called back. “Bring me back some if you can!” Robin nodded and flew off.  His journey was peaceful, there was a steady wind and no one got in his way.  He got to the garden see Wood Pigeon the dumbest bird in Tree Top High. “Lost your way home again Wood?” exclaimed Robin with a sigh. “DUGH! No! I lost which way is up and which way is down!” said Wood who was stood on his head.
“Ugh. Why do I even bother?”said Robin to himself dumbly.  He looked over to the feeder and saw a gang of all sorts of tits on it. Robin was very cautious around tits because they look pretty but they’re actually REALLY dangerous.  He sat on Leo’s windowsill and waited for the tits to squirt out of there, but they didn’t. Every time one left another one came. “It’s been half an hour, surely they should of gone by now!” Robin said to Wood who was still on his head.

We managed to get through it all and after quiet time, which wasn't quiet at all, we all ventured to the park for a walk around the field.  Rob was home today so he came too.

Ellis took a rugby ball and had a kick about which was nice as our garden isn't big enough, Oscar and Leo took their bikes and Leo showed us an area in the trees where people had been building ramps.  He was so excited to show us and they started making their own little ramps to go over.  They weren't quite brave enough to do the big ones just yet.

It was really nice to get out and have a bit of exercise and I always love throwing a ball around, even if it was the wrong shape for me, proven by the amount of times I dropped it! I'm blaming the longer nails which I'm going to chop off tomorrow as the only thing they're good for is accidentally scratching yourself or bending them back on things.  I've kept my nails short for years.  I used to do it because Rob didn't like long nails, then we had babies and I didn't want to catch them and then netball. 🤷

After dinner we all just chilled on various screens, talking to friends and scrolling through endless crap.  I really should make better use of my time.  Something I'll work on.

Trying to get to bed before midnight tonight, so sorry the blog is a bit rushed, but like I said, I wasn't feeling it anyway.

I learnt today to not be too cocky about feeling ok and to make sure I keep tabs on myself.  I'm looking forward to hearing that someone I know who is poorly is on the mend and I'm grateful that we live close to open space and easy access to nice walks.

Day 11 - Drama

Wow, I paid for it.   I was lucky I was able to get straight to sleep when I went to bed but I woke in the night feeling hot and dehydrated.  It felt like the heating had been left on so I went downstairs to check and also got myself a drink, water this time.  (I later found out that Rob had come to bed at gone 2am and had the heating on until then).

Getting back to bed I was wide awake so went on my phone for a bit.  I emailed someone I was thinking about and wished someone else happy birthday, hoping I didn’t disturb them, before I checked the news and scrolled through Instagram.  I did eventually get back to sleep and woke up with my alarm at 8am feeling like I hadn't slept at all! 😴

I still managed to get up, get everyone ready on time for the Joe Wicks work out at 9am. 😅

The workout was tough.  My hip is still hurting and the bending up and down was not helping the guts or head.  I stuck it out though, encouraged by Leo who had started the day rather positively.

The boys were again great at getting on with their work but it very quickly went downhill.  Leo started to struggle quite early on.  He was very tearful and didn't want to do anything.  He would just walk off in a strop and slam the door to his bedroom.  I gave him his space and didn't push for him to do his work.  I realise that he could eventually use this to his advantage but I could tell today wasn't the day to put my foot down.

Ellis had a free period today and I had said to him about planning out a Drama lesson for us all to do at some point during the week.  Well I thought today would be the ideal opportunity to mix it up a bit and have a bit of fun outside instead of trying to get Leo to sit at a table.

Ellis had written out a lesson plan, found a script, printed it and gave each of us a stapled copy.  I could tell he was excited about it.  He asked the boys to try and take it seriously and came out with this lovely speech about giving things a go and not judging each other, being shy or making fun of anyone.

We had so much fun!  The games Ellis had planned were brilliant and everyone joined in and we laughed until we cried.  It worked great for Leo who really tried.  Oscar messed about a bit, but he's just 9 so we'll let him off.

After doing the games we all sat on the trampoline to read through the scripts together.  Ellis told us about projecting our voices and to try and sound like the character.  We took it in turns and everyone did their bit well.

I was still feeling rough 😩

We then all had to give a word to describe our character and our reasons why, taking the information from the script.  The boys did amazing with this and Ellis played his part as teacher without fault.  He is even excited about doing another lesson for later on in the week. 😍

The penultimate part of the lesson was to evaluate what we had done, what we enjoyed the most and how could it be improved.  And the best bit was the relaxing and breathing exercises at the end.  Fidget bum Oscar kept making the trampoline bounce but I was in the zone and enjoyed just lying under the beautiful blue sky taking in the moment.

Leo didn't really improve much in the afternoon.  He accidentally dribbled on his reading book and burst into sobs of tears about it.  I just gave him a snuggle and told him school was finished for the day.  That put a smile on his face.

For our quiet half an hour in the afternoon I've been putting on the free audio book from David Walliams.  Ellis listens in too and it's just a really nice way to end the "school" day.

Luckily today went so fast! I think the drama lesson certainly helped as it was so much fun and we ran over into lunchtime, also the change of clocks always puts me out of whack for a bit.  Much to the boys dismay when dinner didn't arrive until nearly 6pm and not 5pm.😱

Ellis did his online guitar lesson again, which appears to work well, I caught up with some friends and then spent my evening writing 3 days worth of blogs.

Hoping tomorrow will be a little more positive for Leo and that we can get through the day without any doors slamming. 🤞

Today I learnt that drinking on a school night is a big fat no!  I'm looking forward to going to the beach and I am grateful that none of us are ill in bed. 😌

Day 9 & 10 - Glam Granny

Now I know why I do the blogs every day instead of leaving it for a couple of days.  I've totally forgotten what happened and what I wanted to write about, even with pictures to help me! I've been taking a lot more photos recently because of having to log things for the blog.   I've really enjoyed doing it.  I might even get my nice camera out and give that a go again.🤔

Saturday morning I had to get out.  I'd been home just over a week and things were a bit tense in the house.  I wrapped up warm and hit the cycle path, which obviously was packed with people getting their bit of exercise in.  My first stop was on the bridge overlooking the motorway which was eerily quiet.

Getting some air was beneficial but was also my first opportunity to take stock and have a bit of a moment with no kids around to worry or upset.  I had a good ugly cry and just let off some steam.  Haven't really cried properly for a long time and I felt better after.  It did look rather dodgy when I came back out of the hedges though 😂  I was stood by a field of horses and not just sitting in a hedge crying my eyes out.

I had a lovely chat on the phone with my Saskia who never fails to put things in perspective for me and then just started marching.  It was all country lanes and I didn't really know where I was, but I just kept going.  I stopped every now and then to take pictures of anything I found interesting and came across a nice large field to walk around.  The thing I loved the most, was the gentle noises of birds singing, faint car noise in the background, the occasional dog and the wind in the trees.  Being at home with the boys is loud and for some reason really draining.

I stayed out for 2 hours and walked a good distance.  Once home I made everyone lunch and then proceeded to sit on my arse for the rest of the afternoon watching The Good Place on Netflix.  It's light and funny and a good, happy distraction.

The boys were happy as they got to go on screens for pretty much the whole day!

Not sure if it was the long walk, the fresh air or boredom but I stuffed my face all day Saturday, so much so that I gave myself a stomach ache.  I'm also pretty tead out.  I love tea and drink it by the bucket load, but recently I have been having so many that I think I need to have a break!

Also my body hates me.  I went from doing a long march to sitting down for hours so obviously as soon as I get up and try to walk, I can't.  My hip had decided to seize up and make me walk like a very old lady with incontinence.  I have to say very old as my mum is 71 (not an old lady yet) and is way fitter than me. 👵

Rob went to Sainsbury's in the afternoon with a very long list of stuff to try and get.   He was gone for ages but came back with pretty much everything, apart from flour.  The boys school thought it would be a great idea to do a cooking lesson this week but we haven't been able to get any flour to complete it.  Luckily a local friend came to the rescue.

The boys had a late night Saturday night, which meant I had an even later one.  I've been trying to start a new book for about a month, and I just can't concentrate long enough to start it.  I'm feeling a lot more settled about being stuck home so I'm going to try and give it another go.  It's called Stalker by Lars Kepler.  I'm sure it will be a nice, comforting read 🤔

I'd planned to have a lie in on Sunday morning, like 10 o'clock ish, maybe later, but I was rudely awoken by the sound of smashing from the kitchen, followed by Oscar crying.    I stumbled down the stairs, with only one eye open, to find that he had accidentally dropped a plate.  Pieces of white porcelain mixed in with his toast covered about a 12ft radius of the kitchen floor.  How does it spread so far!?  After clearing it up and making him some new toast I thought I would try and go back to bed.  I think I lasted about 3 minutes before I gave up and made my way back downstairs.

I was spending some time getting prepared for the following school day, printing out sheets and making sure I sort of knew what we were supposed to be doing, when I had an unexpected Facetime call from my Uncle Robin and Auntie Kris, who live with my 91 year old Grandma.   Basically my Grandma sleeps, all the time.  Then suddenly she'll have an awake day where she can sit up and chat to you like she saw you yesterday.  I haven't seen her awake since her birthday back in September.  It is so amazing how the brain works!   All the boys said hello and we messed about with Grandma for a bit.  It was so nice to see them all.

I didn't think I was going out for another walk on the Sunday but Rob wasn't able to go to Boots to pick up some medication and after checking in with the in-laws I had a small shopping list.  It was cold, so I wrapped up warm and decided to walk instead of drive to the shops.  On a normal day I probably wouldn't even think of walking but I'll take any opportunity now! I was hoping the walk would help ease the dodgy hip too.

Since lockdown I haven't been to the shops.  It was actually not a very nice experience.  It wasn't because it was crazy busy or anything but there are just some really unthoughtful people about.  I picked up the prescription with no problems but then had to go into Sainsbury's.  There was no queue outside and generally not too busy inside but everyone just crowds together and gives you no space!  I made it into a game and zig zagged through the shop only using aisles that were empty.  I pretty much walked in, and right back out.  Rob can keep going instead 😉

Back home, I dropped off some stuff and then had to drive to the in-laws.  I was so happy to get out in the car.  Luckily it started after a few seconds of trying and I was soon coasting down the road.  I love driving and I took my time to get there.

Their porch was locked so I left everything on the doorstep and called them from the car.  I was then given a further item they needed so off I popped to the local shop.  I love being useful and feeling like I'm helping out so I didn't mind at all.  I found what they needed and posted it through the letter box this time.  They seem okay.  I try to check in with them once a day, just for a little chat and to see if they need anything.  It's frustrating not being able to keep helping them like I was as things were starting to improve for the pair of them.  Hopefully I will still get the opportunity once this pandemic is over, and it will be over.

Back at home, I sorted dinner and then started to get ready for my night in with the Mummy Lot.  We had agreed earlier in the week that we would make a bit of an effort and wear something nice and maybe put in some nice earings! 😱  Obviously I went overboard. 😁

Love a bit of Snapchat 😜

We had the usual technical problems and lost Naomi early on to some sort of poo incident with her kids.🙈

Sally is our retail hero and was shattered after doing, I think 6 early shifts in a row.  By early, I mean 1:30am get up and Shazza is our NHS hero but has been self isolating for 2 weeks (feels like a month).

I had done my hair, put a bit of slap on and was wearing a going out top with pyjama bottoms and slippers. 😄  I always have to have a mess about with Snapchat filters once I'm ready.

I poured myself a glass of wine and had a good old chat with the girls.  I think though because I was a bit happy, I glugged my wine like squash and before I knew it,  I had pretty much done the bottle in.  Having had a stomach ache from the Saturday I hadn't eaten that much all day so it went straight to my head! 😵

Sally and Shazza went to bed and I kept on waffling to Lotty for what felt like 10 minutes but was probably over an hour 😂  Thanks again Lotty x

I can't believe I got drunk on a school night!  I knew I would pay for it in the morning and it also meant I couldn't do this blog.  I didn't realise so much could happen in one weekend 😅

Over the past couple of days I have learnt lots of things but mainly that it is important for me to have some alone time every now and then.  I am looking forward to getting back to my netball club as I miss the girls, miss the fitness, miss the competitive part of it and miss the chance to properly go nuts. 😈  I am grateful that I got to see my Grandma, awake and able to chat. 😍

Wow that was a mammoth blog, but I enjoyed doing it.  I hope this makes some of you smile.😊

Night all xxx

Day 8 - Warm Hug

We were all in a bit of a mood today.  I didn't want to get out of bed and the boys were all complaining that they felt tired and drained.  Maybe I've been working them too hard or just my mood rubbed off on to them.

They still did everything that was asked,  just with a few more complaints.  Leo had a really positive day and did all his work with no issues.  Oscar was in a foul mood and needed a lot more support. I suppose that's just how it goes.

Rob went into the office today which meant we had a spare laptop for Ellis to use and he came to sit with us at the kitchen table.  They were all very engrossed in their work this morning and I should have used the opportunity to read my book or do a job but instead I got ready for the next lesson.  I didn't set this up.

So my BIL Dave managed to get MIL to the hospital today for her tests.  I so hope we get some answers from this as it really could mean a massive difference to her life. 🤞

One of my netball buddies, Claire, sent this gorgeous sun rise picture in our group chat.  It was like a warm hug.  Made me realise that I am another day closer to getting back to normal.

Getting back to normal has been talked about a lot today between friends.  People have been saying about things they would change etc.  I really don't know what I would change. 🤷  It's something to think about though.

Yesterday I had a good day.  I had accepted that I couldn't do anything about the situation and that I just had to focus on what was in front of me, the boys.   I had got used to my new bubble of normal and I was just going to take each day as it comes.  That was yesterday.  

Today was just a hide under a blanket day.  Every break the boys had, I wrapped myself up like a baby on the sofa.  I think I'm just tired.  Late nights, not enough food and schooling the boys has been full on and challenging and I don't mean that in a negative way necessarily.   I will try to be kind to myself this weekend and recharge my batteries, ready for the new school week next week 😩

Not the best blog but just not feeling it today. Don't know why I'm feeling so flat. I don't really have anything to complain about.  I have a very privileged life, we are all healthy and get to spend some lovely time together.   I probably should have waited until tomorrow but like I've said, I'm a sucker for routine.  The wine probably isn't helping either 😂😴

I really should just be happy that we had such a successful first week at home.  The home schooling went much better than I anticipated and we stuck to the schedule without any major issues.  I'm so proud of my boys and proud of myself.😊

So today I've learnt that I need to use the quiet times to enjoy doing something that I like.  I'm looking forward to getting out of the house on the weekend and I'm grateful that I got through the school week without any major issues. 😊😊

I'm sorry it's not uplifting or interesting even, but I suppose that's life.  Tomorrow is another day...

Day 7 - Bed Smug

Every morning this week the boys have been brilliant at getting up, dressed, fed, teeth cleaned and "making" their beds.  I love a well made bed, don't judge, but my idea of a made bed differs from Leo's a little.  Each day he has been making up a scene with his toys, or today, which is my favourite so far, he wrote his name with his pillows and blanket.😍

This means that the rest of his bed ends up on the floor.

Oscar's attempt, pretty good.👍

Ellis nailed it in my opinion, although I would have tucked the end in. 😄

Ellis has been amazing this week.  Yes he bugs me with his constant running commentary of what he's doing at any given time, and he disturbs the boys a lot but he has helped me to look after one while I sit with the other, he's made tons of cups of tea, he's managed to get all his school work done, he's encouraged and helped Leo get his work done when he hasn't been wanting to, he's played with them in the garden and then today has allowed them to hug him! 😱  Leo said, "Look Mummy, Ellis gives us hugs now!" 😍

So the day started off the same with us doing the work out, but this time with sports bra on. 😉  Ellis was back doing it today and we cheered each other on.  The kids laugh at my red, straining face when trying to do any sort of plank, burpee, push up or core exercise.  I am aware that is in fact the whole work out 😄 

My little (big) Leo struggled again today.  I don't really know what it is, but he just shuts down and refuses to do anything.   It can be over anything.  Today we had to do a poster and I thought it would be a really nice thing for him to do.  He just said he can't draw, threw the pencil and refused to do anything and eventually walked off and slammed his bedroom door.   I'm doing my very best to not push too hard and to just stick with it.  Ellis tried too but it didn't help.  We had to wait until after lunch for Leo to allow his brother to do his work for him 😅  Thanks again Ellis.

I had a phone call from my Dad today which was really nice as I haven't spoken to him for ages and I also had to sort out getting my mother-in-law to hospital tomorrow.  Recently I have taken on the care of my outlaws, supported at times by my brother-in-law, which has been difficult to say the least.  I have enjoyed making a difference to their lives though and before this whole COVID thing, we were starting to make progress with MIL's health.  I won't go into details on here.  BIL Dave has managed to arrange it so that he can take her to this important appointment tomorrow morning.  I just hope we get some answers from it which should help us even more.  Fingers crossed.🤞

Lucy had a bit of good news today.  Shauna's school have opened and are going to take her for 3 days next week.  It's only a little help but will make a difference for Lucy and her family to have a bit of quiet time on those days and to hopefully plan for the days she's home, as much as you can plan with Shauna anyway. 😊

I was really tired this afternoon and was feeling a bit flat.  The boys had completed their school work but I still had time to fill before school was out for the day.  We cracked open a little science game which tests their memory, quick reading/recall skills and knowledge.  All 3 of them wanted to have a go and it was great.  They weren't competing against each other so it made for some harmonious learning.

As I was sitting their reflecting on stuff, I noticed a very small hole in Oscar's t-shirt.  Now my Mum, whenever she sees a hole in Dad's clothes, rips it open so that it can go in the bin.  I have carried on this "tradition" and the boys think it's hilarious.  I like that I do it when they don't even know it's about to happen. 😂

Dinner tonight was spag bog and the whole family actually sat around the table to eat together.  This very rarely happens as Rob isn't home when the boys eat.  It didn't last long as they all shovel it down in 30 seconds and then take off into the garden, but it was nice while it lasted.

Have I said how well the boys are getting on?  I know I'm being smug now but I'm going to soak it all up while it lasts. We're in for the long haul so I realise this may change over time.

Did you all go outside and clap at 8pm in support of our lovely NHS staff? I have several friends who will be frontline fighting this thing for all of us. 💪  We are forever grateful for your hard work and sacrifices.  That goes for all my friends who are helping to keep the country running too!  Me and the boys stood outside with several of our neighbours clapping and cheering.  Was such a nice feeling and great to see some different faces, from a very far distance.

Why do the evenings fly by?!  Put Ellis to bed 9ish and it's now 11:30pm in a blink of an eye!

I need to get out soon.  I've been in the house since last Friday. Although I appreciate that isn't that long, I need to get out and see a different view for my own sanity.  I think a brisk walk around the block should be okay to do this weekend.

We are all in this together and some of us cope better than others, or at least make it look like we are. There is no right or wrong way to be in this situation, we are all just doing our best.  We must look out for each other and be supportive where we can.  Just listening is sometimes all it can take.  Not one person can fix this, but we can help each other to not break.  I'm always happy to be an ear for anyone needing to vent. 👂😊

Right so what have a I learnt today?  That I can't do a G in bubble writing.

I'm looking forward to having some freedom and I'm grateful that my children appear content and happy at home.  Have I told you that yet? 😜  I realise that will bite me in the ass soon, but I won't have to tell you about it 😌

Ooops midnight again.  Night peeps.x